Invisible War
by kuroren23
Summary: SongFic.Post battle with Chrona. They are both battered and bruised. What feelings consume them as they face the consequence of having lost?


**Authors Note: **Perhaps its due to my long absence or because of the writer's block that once took residence inside my head but for now, I' m stuck writing songfics. It eases my mind and allows for creative juices to flow. I would like to acknowledge the beauty of this Julia Fordham song. It has always been in the back of my mind and I wondered what would be a good enough story to merit its use. As this is only my second time writing a songfic, please be magnanimous. -kuroren23

Notations:

Ordinary Text = narration

_**BOLD & Italics**_ = lyrics of the song

**BOLD** = thoughts; snatches of memory

_Italics_ = Internal Dialogue

* * *

**INVISIBLE WAR**

**MAKA**

_**Invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war…Strained maneuvers, keeping silent score…in this invisible war**_

She wondered for the nth time if she could drown away the sorrow snaking through her like a bitter wave if she stayed under the water long enough…if simple water could wash away the guilt and the pain throbbing inside of her. She stood under the thundering spray praying for the impossible…for oblivion to come and sweep over her and offer blessed forgetfulness…something to break the stranglehold of dread inside her…something to wipe away the too vivid-images seemingly imprinted behind her very lids…showing her a never-ending stream of scenes that always ended the same way—a rain of blood…a scream that came from the very depths of her heart and the cold, lifeless feel of her weapon lying beaten, bleeding and broken in her arms…

** Run away…!**

Her throat was raw as she gave vent to her pain in the only way knew how—concealed beneath the blast of icy water pouring relentlessly over her, her skin already numbed from the cold but not even the drop in temperature registered in her over-wrought mind. Patterns swirled inside her tired mind but she could no more deny them than she can deny the blood-tinged crescents on her palm…proof-positive of the strength of her despair as she watched those that came to save them to finish the fight so that HE could be saved. Over and over, patterns and plans streamed through her brain…patterns that she could have followed—should've followed so that tonight could have ended differently. Over and over, in spite everything, of all she could see were patterns that lead to disaster…

** I will not allow you to hurt my Meister!!**

Worse than the unvoiced cries aching in the back of her throat…worse than the tears burning behind her eyelids, it was the desolation sweeping inside of her that brought her to her knees. For the first time since Soul called out to her with his piano she was without his voice, without his reassuring presence in her mind…in her soul. There was silence where once his dark music flowed…the quiet wasn't comforting nor serene…did it only emphasize the emptiness that's threatening to swallow her whole. There was a chasm forming inside her…a void filling with all her fears, all her insecurities and all the things she could never give voice to…echoing loudly alongside the reverberations of his voice playing like a broken record in her subconscious… asking her even then to save herself…asking her to run away and leave him…

** I was prepared to die for my Meister…**

**SOUL  
**_**Every day I seem to lose you more…Both wishing it was like before...In this invisible war**_

It's useless to curse his weakness but he wanted to anyway. He was a weapon—a living weapon that is supposed to be good enough to protect. A weapon meant to be used so that the person wielding it would come to no harm. That was his only directive in life and he was a flaming failure at it. He couldn't even do a proper job of reassuring a little slip of a girl fate chose to give into his keeping.

** I'm so sorry…**

He couldn't protect her. He was just a smart-ass, cocky weapon that got his face rubbed in the dirt. And all he could show for it is a long scar and the shadows he caused to appear in the innocent eyes of his chosen technician. He caused the tears flowing from those usually vibrant lively eyes…green eyes…the color of life…hope…and now, all he could see was the despair slowly eating at her from the inside…despair that he caused because he wasn't strong enough to protect her with his own strength, his own power.

** Soul I will not let that happen again. I have decided to become stronger**

If he could have done it, he would have hit himself with his own scythe for letting her think that way. The truth was that he was too weak…too helpless against a much stronger opponent. The Demon Sword proved that all too well. He wasn't as good as he thought he was. He wasn't good enough to even protect the one soul that offered acceptance towards someone like him. She gave him a home and grounded the restlessness inside him and he in turn could hardly fight the darkness sweeping inside of him, threatening once more the one he swore to protect. _I would go mad if that image came true…I would rather die than cause her harm…I would rather not wake up, if when I do, its to see her torn apart because of me…_

** Just wait…I will become as strong as you, Soul…**

He wonders if he should tell her the truth about those dark nights he spent trapped in the throes of what should have been healing sleep. He wonders even more if he should tell her that during those few minutes after sustaining his wound, all that kept him sane was the sound of her voice. Even in his body's ravaged state, he could feel her…he felt her fear when the enemy came close enough to end them if the enemy had wished for it…felt the way her body hunched in to protect him…instinctively using her body as a shield in much the same way he used his to shield her. And when he finally gave in to the lure of the darkness, all he could recall were the echoes of her teary apologies.

**MAKA  
**_**Talk about a fine line between love and hate…We've lost more than our direction of late**_

Ever since they came together, there has been a secret dread she harbored inside her, unacknowledged except during her darkest days—the fear that he would one day leave because she wasn't strong enough to make him into what he desired the most. That he would, in the end, see the truth inside her. And that they would end up like her estranged parents—broken. That's why she tried valiantly never to make him see her weakness. Soul needed a strong technician to get to where he wants to be—to attain what he wanted more than anything in the world. In the end, all she could do was kneel outside the door as Professor Stein worked to save him…all that she could managed was a mumbled apology that he could no longer hear as tears consumed everything else around her._It was all my fault…_

** I couldn't face his scar...**

She would overcome her weakness. She will not yield to her fears. She will not cause him to be harmed again…no matter what happens…she will not be lost once more…she will not be a little girl in need to a strong pair of arms to console and soothe her tears away…she would be worthy of him…no matter what, her weapon would not shed blood again—never again for her…

** I won't let Soul suffer the same thing again…**

**SOUL**_**  
Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends...We've never been lovers and now we're not even friends**_

She told him to continue. That as his Meister that was her decision to make. He wondered why she was so eager to risk what they had—what they shared in order to get strength needed to fight again. She says it's so that he would never be wounded again…he wonders if that was all there is to it.

** If worse comes to worst, you won't be able to match soul wave length ever again**

He wished he had the courage to open his mouth without losing his cool. His technician—his Meister…they were growing apart…he could hear the discordant sounds that used to flow so smoothly between them…_Has he gotten complacent? So used to the bond they shared between them that he has gotten careless?_ He used to lie in that hospital bed and wonder if there was any way to salvage the situation…to stop them from drifting farther apart. He knows he could never be anything more than a rookie weapon without her…but it wasn't just that—it wasn't just because she was a technician that called to him and caused him to savor his talent for the first time in his life…it wasn't their working relationship that worries him…it's the ties he has worked hard to forge…the relationship that constituted the only normalcy in his world…she was his world…she was everything to him…and all that stands in his way is a single line marked by his blood and her tears.

_**In this invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war  
Every day I seem to lose you more  
In this invisible war**_

**SOUL  
**_**Wounded deeply the scar is here to stay...Opening up at all the little things I do and say**_

She avoids his eyes and he couldn't explain the surge of anger and loss that cripples him even more than the wound he bears. The scar left behind by the wound and the subsequent operation has slowly been healing but for her, it seems that it would always be fresh…torn and bleeding…her eyes would darken whenever her eyes would fall on the wound and he could only clench his fist and will her to look at him…to look INTO him.

** Meisters fight to make their weapons stronger**

He desperately wants to reach out and make her understand... He wants her to see—to see him and trust that he could be strong, that he could get stronger for the both of them but only if SHE lets it…to understand that without her, there is no THEM…that he—without her strength—was just another loose-canon weapon off the streets. That he needs her to do more than just wield him in battle but to make him whole.

**MAKA  
**_**You always want things to be as before...So I make you angry and you bleed a little more**_

Why cant he understand her fears?! Why must he prove all her insecurities, all her doubts that she will never be good enough to be with him? That it was her weakness, her hesitation that caused him to be wounded? To be marked so prominently by a scar that nothing—not even time—could erase?

**I have forgotten what it feels like to control my breathing…I cant remember what it feels like control my weapon…**

He wouldn't want nor should, he a damaged Meister. She must prove to him that she was still worthy of him. That she could still fulfill the promise they made that day. The only problem was—she doesn't even know if she would still have the courage to face him. Not when she knows very well some mark of the event—of her weakness—would be emblazoned on him for the entire world to see.

** I don't want to be protected by you!**

What she wanted was to be equal to him. To stand on the same ground as her partner and know that no matter what happens or who they face, he would be there for her and she could be there for him. She wants to be strong enough to be with him, stay with him. Not because he is strong enough to care for her, but because she is strong enough for him to trust and depend on as well. She wants no more walls to stand between them--no divide to separate her from him; meister from weapon. She will gain the strength to stand by his side.

_**In this invisible war, seems that we're waging an invisible war...**__**Strained maneuvers, keeping silent score...in this invisible war**_

**SOUL**

Watching that wolf's claw sink into you was worse than the wound Chrona inflicted on me…hearing your pain was more agonizing than all the scrapes and cuts that foolish wolf gave…there was nothing for me then…nothing but the knowledge that I would withstand any pain…ignore every scar and neglect any blood shed if that would mean I could gain the power to protect you…from the evil that surrounds and permeates our world…from the pain that disappointment and abandonment left on your mind…I would endure it all-if that means I could defend you from any and all threats, even the ones that might be delivered by my own hands. I will stand guard over you; I will do it for you, for us._I will not let you go…I will not want power…not without you…I will not let it consume me…_

_**Want to go away I still love you  
Got to go away I always love you  
Got to find a way Time heals all wounds**_

_**Invisible war.**_


End file.
